:: Evilspeech ::

:: don't ask; just read ::

:: Sunday, June 29, 2003 ::

Now that I sit down to write, I really really have to go to the bathroom. Be right back.

Just thought I'd be honest.

Merely the act of me journaling shows I have way too much time on my hands. I need something to do besides unpack.

I found "The Grapes of Wrath" today. I never finished that book. Of course, I didn't have to read it in high school. That's something moving will do to you. I never read Macbeth either. But I read Antigone twice. well, no, that's not entirely true. I read Antigone in Texas, and we read Oedipus Rex in Iowa, that's right. I read Antigone (well, wrote about Antigone) for my first Lawrence-Richards paper. Oh man was he a larger-than-life figure. And then we had to read Antigone this spring in western civ. That's right. Fascinating, huh?

Anyway, "The Grapes of Wrath." It seems every time I try to talk to someone about it, they hate Steinbeck or they love him. And those who hate it called it commie propaganda. People are so original, no?

Can I find a job where I have to read all day? I mean, not reports or any editing, but just read? I took an intrest survey my sophomore year of hs and it said I should look at library science. But, I mean, you have to be kidding. Not that there aren't intelligent and interesting people in library science (ben's dad and daniel's mom) but I'd rather be hanging posters promoting literacy or something proactive. Maybe that's my problem. I'm hung up on action, when in truth am I even an active person? I'm all talk, all theory, all ideas.

See, I'm even being psudeo-philsophical and babbling about myself.

Why can't I find a passion? Why can't I figure out what I want? I'm too indecisive I suppose. I have causes, yes. The environment, the disadvantaged and impoverished, global domination, umm I mean peace. But I have, say, 60 years left of my life, if everything goes extremely well. And 3 out of my 4 grandparents had cancer, so that's not looking good. Still, say 60 years. What do I want? Why do I think any one else cares?

I know what I want. I want to love. I want to share the joy that's inside of me, the joy I can't turn off. I love being alive. I don't care if this sounds like shit to anyone else. It's true. I love so many people. and I want all of them to be happy. I can't help all of them, maybe not any of them. and i know, I know everyone's got things to work through themselves. But if you ever need me, I'm there. Really. I'll drive out at 1 AM and come pick you up ;-) and even walk back from the *insert four letter crime that begins with the letter r* lot all by myself.

Sorry, that's schol hall slang, but I can't bare to use it.

Okay, shortly distracted by a geek test. 22.09073% - Geek

scale:
Geekish Tendencies
Geek
Total Geek
Major Geek
Super Geek
Extreme Geek
Geek God
Dysfunctional Geek

Damn, it's like 2 in the morning. Must go to bed. . . goodnight. More later, have no fear.
:: Madeleine :: 2:00 AM [+] ::
...

I never know how to start a paragraph. Should I introduce myself? Or say hello? Or maybe just jump in? 'Just' and 'jump' look strange next to each other. Right well, maybe I'll try that last one. . .

Now I'm listening to REM's Great Beyond on repeat. I like to do that with some songs, just listen to the over and over and over. I love this song. My family must be sick of me singing it all the time. It's better than some songs that get stuck in my head. I won't go there.

I didn't used to care for REM very much, although Mala always said she'd convert me. All I knew was Man on the Moon and It's the End of the World. So much music, so little time. Maybe if I didn't spend so much time listening to Led Zeppelin I'd have time for other bands.

Right, well I think I'm going to go watch "The Pianist" a second time with mom. The first time it was due back so I had to zip through all the piano playing :-( I really liked it the first time. If only I wasn't so interested in WWII and the Holocaust.

ihpsweln. haha. just try and figure that one out. btw, iwa.

:: Madeleine :: 9:44 PM [+] ::
...

right, so I'd just like to give a shout out to Eric! He called me right before he saw Neil Young (with Crazy Horse I might add). He's in Manchester, TN at the Bonnaroo music festival. Yep, that's my jam-band boy. I heard the opening guitar chords. And the screams of 5o,ooo some odd people. Oh why did I make fun of him when he was buying tickets? :-( Did I mention the Allman Brothers Band and Sonic Youth are also making appearances? Dah!

On top of that, Crosby, Stills and Nash are playing the Iowa State fair on his birthday, Aug 8th. I'll be in Texas (of course I would move AFTER they come) and he'll be at a family reunion type event. And then Neil comes to KC on the 9th. Same story. Where did I get this luck?

So if you read MaddyInEurope, you know I didn't go to bed. Actually, Zak si having his friends sleep over for his b-day and I'm making sure they are asleep. Rumor has it the St. Pat's boys have been sneaking out of sleepovers. Not that there's much to do out here. . .and not that I'd want to stop them ;-) but Mom put me in command. Ah ha here's one. . . oh. It's just Nick coming in to go to the bathroom. And he says I should go to bed or I'll get sick. What fun is this job? perhaps I should just go to bed.

Somehow I have the feeling I'm writing for a limited audience. I don't know if that aids or cramps my style. a'right I'm starting to write dribble. I'll spare you. But just for now.
:: Madeleine :: 12:49 AM [+] ::
...

dude, the Blogger editing page has been updated. it's all stylish now. I kinda like it. But it still feels uncomfortable, like when hotmail changed. I still miss the old format. And yahoo? And the W-CF Courrier. So I sound like an old fart. But really, I understand! You get used to something, visually, and then they up and change on you. Drr.
:: Madeleine :: 12:10 AM [+] ::
...

Okay. . . this is stange. Blogger completely changed on me. But not on my MadeleineInEurope blog. Hmm. . .
:: Madeleine :: 12:15 PM [+] ::
...